Little Secrets
by disasteralboys
Summary: Quinn Fabray is happy living a lie until High School ends. That is, until someone finds out.
1. Chapter 1

Quinn Fabray sat in Math class, furiously scribbling into her journal. Rachel Berry was at the desk in front of Quinn, with immaculate posture and her large brown eyes focused on the teacher at the front of the room. Rachel's arm shot up to answer a question, her chestnut hair swaying, and the sweet scent of strawberries filled Quinn's nose.

Since the start of sophomore year, Quinn had taken to journaling as an outlet. It helped her to release all those thoughts she used to keep locked away, without having to tell a single soul.

The focus of the majority of her thoughts? Rachel Berry.

Quinn had spent many days over the summer after Beth's birth trying to figure out who she was. She had changed so much since the start of the year that it was hard to wrap her head around. She'd matured, that was for sure, but who was she now?

Quinn knew she didn't want to go back to who she used to be; she was tired of being feared. Throughout the summer months, Rachel kept on waltzing into Quinn's head, apparently as annoying and inexorable in thoughts as in reality. When Quinn had come back to school that year, she had decided that she would treat Rachel differently and that she would stop insulting her for her own pleasure.

Unsurprisingly, the result of Quinn's magnanimity had been a tentative friendship. One of the best qualities about Rachel was that she was forgiving and so she had welcomed Quinn with open arms. They weren't best friends, or even close to that, but they were comfortable around each other. What did surprise Quinn, however, was the development of her feelings towards Rachel.

Something Quinn never would have admitted to last year was that she used to be extremely resentful of Rachel. Rachel seemed to have… _everything_.

Rachel had two loving parents, supportive and nonjudgmental, a vast talent that was sure to be her ticket out of Lima and an intelligence that led her to being the top of every class. Despite her quirks and her overbearing personality, there was no doubt that Rachel had an enviable charm to her.

And then there was the fact that Rachel was beautiful. Sure, her fashion sense could best be described as a mix between that of an elderly woman and a toddler, but it was undeniable that a glance from Rachel could transcend Quinn's hearts into flutters.

So when she would catch Finn lustfully gazing at Rachel when he thought Quinn wouldn't notice and when she noticed many members of the football team staring at Rachel, despite their actions towards her, Quinn's body would become wrought with jealousy. These factors had culminated until Quinn found that the only release was to bring pain to the girl who was the cause of her own.

But now, the jealousy appeared to have died away or at least softened, along with her heart. Quinn had accepted her life and she knew, deep down, that it wasn't Rachel's fault that she had used to cry into her pillow at night.

When she had overcome the jealousy, only her attraction had remained, and with each day that Quinn became closer to Rachel, her feelings grew even more, building until Quinn had to release _these_ some how. That was how she'd started to journal. With her envy out of the way, Quinn could focus on the little quirks of Rachel that couldn't help but make her smile; her excitement each time she got a solo at Glee, her apparent lack of a filter in her brain, the way she waved her arms and muttered when she brainstormed, her garrulity, her soulfull brown eyes...

Quinn's head snapped up at the sound of the droning school bell. _Shit_. She'd spent the whole of Math writing and hadn't heard a single word Miss Grantham had said. She had a lot of catching up to do.

Quinn was about to pack away her things when Rachel stood in front of her, beaming down at her. Quinn got out of her seat and gave the brunette a questioning smile.

"Do you want to walk with me to Glee?" Rachel asked, holding her hand out to Quinn.

Quinn tried not to stare at her hand and felt dizziness take control of her. She wasn't sure if she'd be able to hold her own with her hand in Rachel's. Yet she couldn't deny how much her heart was flipping purely at the_ idea_ of holding the other girl's hand and eagerly packed away her things before grasping it. Quinn couldn't help but notice how at home Rachel's hand felt in hers.

Rachel led her through the aisle and out of the classroom, Quinn barely able to repress a grin when Rachel begun to swing their arms as they walked down the hallway.

The math class was almost completely empty when Stuart, a burly sophomore on the football squad, noticed Quinn Fabray's composition notebook on the floor by her desk. He bent down, picked it up and glanced around quickly before placing it into his bag and calmly walking out of the room.

***

Quinn was a flustered mess by the time she got to school the next day.

The previous evening, Quinn had spent hours scouring her room for her journal. She searched everywhere it viably could have been and then everywhere she knew it wouldn't be. Her heart had almost stopped beating when she remembered that the last time she had it was in math.

Quinn stepped into school the next morning and ran to her math classroom, searching every inch of it for her purple notebook. As she frantically looked around the classroom for the fifth time, she shook her head at her own stupidity for being so careless with it, as though it didn't enclose her most intimate secrets. Quinn threw her hands up into the air when she accepted that the notebook wasn't there and left, her heart pounding in a panicked rhythm.

She walked back to her locker, her forehead a little damp from a cool sweat, and pulled it open, almost jumping back when she saw her journal lying neatly upon a pile of her books. Affixed to it was a yellow post-it note that read:

_'Found this in a classroom!  
Ben (Janitor)'. _

Quinn let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding as she clutched her journal to her chest, immensely glad that the janitor had been the one to find it. She opened her backpack and placed the journal right at the bottom, vowing to never take it into school again.

***

When Quinn got home from school and checked her email, a new message awaited her. She glanced at the name of the sender and didn't recognise it but it doesn't seem to be spam. The message title read 'Little Secrets'. Curious, Quinn opened the email and her eyes darted over the message.

_I know what your secret is. Come out with it now, before I do ;) _

For a minute Quinn is lost in confusion before the realisation hits her like a hurricane. Her fingers grasped at the edge of her desk to stop herself from falling off her chair. Her mind was in a flurry, trying to calm down. This could mean anything. It could be a joke. _How could anyone know? They can't mean what I think they mean; that's impossible._

Quinn sat back and took a deep breath, trying to think this through rationally. No one knew that she was a lesbian, not unless they could read her mind, because she hadn't told _anyone_ about this.

Quinn took a momentary breath of relaxation before she remembered her notebook. "The janitor didn't find it!" Quinn thought, with a pang of horror. _Someone else did, and that someone knows_.

***

The next day the message kept on playing in Quinn's mind, over and over.

Quinn was sat back in her seat on the school bus, on the way back home when she felt a buzzing in her pocket. It was a call from an anonymous number. She yanked off her headphones and pressed the phone to her ear, struggling to hear above the thumping music the driver was blasting out of the speakers.

"Are you a lesbian?" the voice on the line asked, crisp and clear. It's as though Quinn could feel the colour draining from her face. Overwhelmed and in shock, Quinn quickly fumbled with the buttons and ended the phone call.

The world went gone silent. Quinn couldn't breathe and was breathing too fast simultaneously. The blood was pumping in her ears; her hand was gripping her phone tightly and was shaking against her thigh.

She recognised the voice, it belonged to a friend of Karofsky. Quinn pushed her back against her seat further and tried to calm her pulse but it was to no avail. Shock completely overtook every inch of her. Quinn realised she was still holding her phone and she threw it into the front pocket of her backpack, before clutching the bag to her chest.

Quinn didn't understand everything she was feeling. But she knew she was terrified.

Quinn flinched when she felt her bag vibrate against her forearm. Her hand rushed into the pocket and she stared at the screen. It was another unknown phone call. Quinn puts it back into her bag and let it ring.

Quinn was suffocating. Her mind was foggy. She wondered why the bus journey was taking so long. The world felt like a hallucination as Quinn finally stepped off the bus and into her house.

Quinn turned her key into the lock and was welcomed to an empty hallway. Quinn paced the floor in quick circles with her arms flailing for a minute as she tried to process her thoughts. She ran up the stairs. Quinn then began to panic in her room as she realised that she just needed to tell_ someone_. She needed help; she was completely at a loss.

Quinn pulled her phone out of her bag to see that she had a missed call from the unknown number. She threw it to the floor in anger and frustration when it began to vibrate again in her hand. Quinn could feel the tears creeping up on her, begging her to let them fall.

She sat down onto her bed and took large, deep breaths to allow more air to fill her lungs. Her eyes wondered to her laptop and she lifted up the lid to check her email. A new email from the same sender sat at the top, daring her to open it.

Quinn's hazel eyes skimmed over the message and this time, the words were clearer. They spelled out exactly what she is and they pressure her to tell, they want to scare her into submission. She could feel the words pressing onto her shoulders like a pair of heavy hands and finally, Quinn let her emotions spill out. She fell back onto her bed and brought her knees to her chest as the tears streamed silently down her face.

***

The voice was constantly in her ear; torturing her and making her feel like there's always someone watching. Fear had been painted onto her body, clinging to her like a skin, an unwelcome guest. Quinn can't take this relentless paranoia that has rendered her weak and helpless. The voice is suffocating her and Quinn knows that this is exactly what it wants.

Quinn moved forward in her chair so her elbows could rest on her desk. She scanned the classroom but found no comfort in the faces around her. Quinn swallowed the stone in her throat when the realisation set in; she has no one to turn to, she has no one to tell. 


	2. Chapter 2

Quinn did her best not to think about it at school the next day. It was easier said than done.

She flinched every time she turned a corner and saw Steven by his locker with his friends, laughing about whoever is unfortunate enough to be their current victim. Quinn couldn't help but think that she was this week's target.

Desperate to avoid Steven, she turned back around the corner and pressed her back flat against a wall of lockers. She was petrified, worried that a single glance with Steven's eyes would result in him announcing _her_ secret to everyone in the corridor.

She envisioned the crowd turning to stare at her, shock plastered onto their faces, and fingers, hundreds of fingers, pointed at her accusingly and laughing so deep that they shook Quinn's body to her bones. She envisioned her heart shattering into thousands of pieces and being scattered over the floor and suddenly everyone was walking to class, carelessly stepping on the pieces of Quinn's heart, the pressure breaking them even further, like shards of glass. And then, Quinn was alone.

The corridor was dark and haunting. She heard another laugh, a sweet laugh that spread warmth through her veins and all the way to the tips of her fingers. Quinn turned swiftly to see Rachel standing there, luminous, with her chestnut-coloured hair flowing and her eyes glossed with happiness. She saw Finn next to her infatuation, his arm wrapped around her, his face beaming down at her and Rachel's warm eyes gazing up at his own. Quinn felt pain seeping through and diffusing the warmth; with her heart already asunder, an emptiness in her chest and hollowness in her stomach coarsed through her instead, breaking her down even further than she knew was possible.

Unexpectedly, it's as though the lights had been turned on in the corridor again and Quinn was pulled back into reality. She was still against the lockers with her breathing shallow and quick, and an unquenchable ache in her chest. She cautiously turned her head and sighed with relief when she saw that Steven had gone. Quinn wished he had taken her fear with him.

***

It wasn't just the voice in her ear that followed her around anymore and creeped up behind her, Quinn could actually feel _someone_ watching her. She could feel pairs of eyes on her back and she could hear hushed whispers floating through the air that are provoking her to act. Quinn tries to brush it off as a bout of paranoia but that didn't stop her heart palpitating furiously each time she brushed by a member of the football team, or the haunting, elegiac nightmare that evening that woke her up too early and coated her body in a cool sweat.

When Quinn was shaken out of her nightmare, her chest heaving to take in deep breaths of air, a single tear fell down her cheek and onto the pillow underneath it.

_I need to tell someone_, she thought, her left arm wrapping her over her waist and the back of her right hand gently brushing away her lone tear, like how she wishes someone else would do. _I can't do this alone_.

***

Quinn thanked God that the next day was a Saturday. Two days at home feels like two days in heaven in comparison to school.

Her parents had left early that morning, they were taking a trip to Pittsburgh for the week, so Quinn had the house to herself.

Despite a disruptive night of sleep, Quinn woke up soon after her parents, determined not to fall asleep again and be subjected to the images in her subconscious.

After having showered and eaten, Quinn curled up on a couch in the living room and let her mind flow. '_Who can I tell?_' she sighs, faces speeding through her mind like pages in a photo album.

The first face that came to the forefront was that of Rachel Berry's but it was dismissed as quickly as it appeared. It's simple. Quinn didn't want Rachel to know of her feelings. This… _situation_ already risked her losing so much and Quinn couldn't bear the thought of losing a friend, of losing Rachel, too. _So Rachel's out_, Quinn thought, slumping back against the couch.

_Finn?_ Quinn laughed that thought off. Although Finn and Quinn's relationship wasn't as bad as it had been when Finn had found out he wasn't the father of Beth, it still couldn't be called a friendship. They were acquaintances; a friendly comment here or there but neither amiability nor hatred was present. He'd probably take the fact that she was gay as a personal insult and that was the last thing Quinn wanted. Besides, Finn was _still_ set on Rachel, following her around like a puppy dog and sometimes attempting to serenade Rachel at Glee, causing second-hand embarrassment for everyone else whenever Rachel refused his offer. '_He'd probably really hate me if I told him I was a lesbian AND told him that I liked Rachel, so definitely not Finn_,' Quinn concluded.

_Ok, so… Puck?_ Again, he wasn't a good choice. Quinn and Puck's relationship was well… not much really, not since Puck was still stung from the fact that she didn't want to date him. Quinn doubted he'd understand, or take well to the news that she was a lesbian.

Quinn's thoughts landed on Brittany and Santana but her heart sank as she realised that they physically could not do anything. Sure, Santana was fear inducing, but two girls up against a whole football team? It just wouldn't work, no matter how biting Santana's words were.

Quinn shifted to lie on her back on the couch. '_What can anyone do_?' Quinn thought in desperation. She knew then that there was nothing anyone could do. The football team knew and they wouldn't rest until her secret was out, Quinn was sure of it.

Quinn jumped up and onto her feet, the familiar feeling of fear creeping back into her stomach. She was desperate now. The unsettling sense of solitary was breaking the surface once again and Quinn knew that she needed another voice in this.

'_But maybe I don't have to tell someone I know_," Quinn thought quickly. She'd walked by Miss Pillsbury's office on Friday and contemplated talking to her but hadn't been able to face up to the thought of telling her. What Steven and his friends were doing would probably be seen as bullying and then Principal Figgins would have to be informed and then the team would be accosted and condemned, and the situation would end up much worse for Quinn. The football team wouldn't take to kindly to her 'ratting them out'.

However, outside the office she'd seen a bulletin board and fixed upon it had been a list of help lines; suddenly Quinn had an answer. She grabbed the house phone and then raced to her laptop, flipping up the lid. Within seconds, she'd found the number for a local LGBT helpline.

Hesitating, her fingers dialled the number and her hand shook as she brought the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" the voice on the other side said.

Quinn couldn't respond; something had broken within her. She mumbled an "um" and then stood there, her hand gripping the phone tightly. She could feel something rumbling inside her, emotions that were waiting to be poured out. But they were stuck. Her throat was blocked and Quinn stood there helplessly, desperate to say something but finding it so difficult.

"Um," she said again, a little higher this time. _Oh God._ Quinn was on the brink of tears and she bent her knees a little and flapped her other hand, frustrated with herself. But the words were unwilling to come out.

This was simply overwhelming; how there was finally someone there who was willing to listen to her, how finally she could tell another soul, instead of writing everything down, how she could finally relieve some of her burden.

Quinn Fabray burst into tears.

"Hi," Quinn said thickly through her crying. The man on the other end was patient.

"I'm so sorry," Quinn stated, not bothering to wipe away her tears since they were coming down so rapidly.

"It's okay," the man said, calmly.

And so, Quinn finally let out her secret, on her own terms.

She could feel the burden pouring out of her with every word, she could feel every emotion jolting through her bones and entering her voice and she could feel the relief, the relief that she wasn't alone and that she had someone to talk to, even if he was a stranger.

Saying it out loud was strange; it didn't even feel as though Quinn was talking about her own life, it didn't seem real that all this had happened to her. But saying it out loud gave her the strength she so desperately needed.

***

Quinn was standing outside the front entrance to school, breathing in the crisp autumn air, the cool wind soothing her tense muscles. She needed to relax before Glee; she'd be on the edge all day. The anonymous phone calls had been an every day reoccurrence until today; today she hadn't received a single one.

She thought that maybe the callers had given up but Quinn wasn't naïve enough to believe that. She then thought that they were lulling her into a false sense of security as though they were preparing to attack. For the first time, Quinn wanted them call.

She heard the snap of a twig behind her and Quinn was alert, her head whipping around to check if there was anything there. There was nothing.

She turned back in time to see two large shadows approach her. Quinn was so scared that her voice was stuck in her throat and she stepped backwards, hitting the wall behind her.

Two large hands reached for her and then Quinn was off the ground and onto Karofsky's shoulder. Quinn found her voice and screamed, knocking her feet into him as hard as she could and pounding her fists into his back. He gripped her even tighter so that his fingers were grasping her skin and not just fabric. She winced but keept on kicking and screaming. No one heard.

"Please," she cried, "Please, don't do this."

Karofsky didn't respond and she thinks she heard Steven Miller chuckle in amongst her screams. In desperation Quinn bit Karofsky's shoulder and kicked his stomach with all her strength.

"Fuck!" Karofsky shouted, but he didn't loosen his grip around Quinn, walking faster to wherever he is taking her. Quinn was hysterical, tears streaming faster than ever before and her whole body was shaking because of how fast her heart was hitting against her chest.

Miller lifted the lid to a dumpster that is almost full and Karofsky threw Quinn into it.

Tears were flooding Quinn's cheek faster and she tried to scramble out of her prison but Karofsky pushed her head, hard, and then the lid came down, engulfing Quinn in a torturous darkness.

The darkness that surrounds Quinn made her feel as though she had been thrown into a deep, frosty sea. Her hands pushed against the surface, frantic against the lid of the dumpster, but she heard a heavy thump above her head and knew that her perpetrators had lifted obstacles onto the lid to prevent her from escaping. Quinn continued to scream with everything that she had, even though her throat was sore and rough, pleading with every word. As Quinn heard more objects being lifted onto the lid, she punched the walls of the dumpster feverishly so hard her knuckles begin to bleed.

"You're a freak, Quinn Fabray," she heard one of them shout over her screams.

"First you get pregnant, and now this? Can you not make up your fucking mind? Either you own up and tell everyone that you're a fucking dyke, or we will. Either way, your secret's coming out, Fabray."

The voice spread through her bones and violated every inch of her body. It settled in her head and the words kept on booming in her ears, from inside, so she couldn't shut out the sound.

And once again, Quinn was alone. She drew her knees to her chest and her entire body was shaking, her hands were clutching opposite arms and her hand was bowed between her knees. Her face was stained with dried tears and her ducts were emptying, so then only a single tear began to slide down her right cheek gently, hitting her hand like a bullet when it dropped off her jaw.

***

Rachel walked out of McKinley High and towards her car, humming softly under her breath. She'd left Glee early, which she knew was blasphemous, but she'd been so distracted that she dedicated it would be best to clear her head and practice extra hard tomorrow.

The truth was, Rachel was worried about Quinn. Recently, Quinn never seemed to be _there_. She was there in body, but not in mind anyway. She seemed almost… lifeless.

Quinn had never been one for talking about her feelings easily and Rachel guessed that, despite their friendship, Rachel would not be Quinn's first choice if she ever did decide to confide. Yet after not seeing Quinn at Glee today, Rachel had decided that action must be taken and that she _had_ to find out what was wrong with Quinn. She planned on going to see Quinn later that evening in an attempt to find out.

Rachel was almost at her car when she heard an unremitting thumping coming from somewhere near her. She spun around wildly but couldn't source the sounds.

But then Rachel heard the most painful cry Rachel thought she'd ever heard and almost fell to the floor. She froze and turned towards the dumpsters. One of them had large boxes placed over the lid.

'_No. It couldn't be_,' Rachel thought, as she began walking towards it.

As she got closer, the cries got louder and Rachel felt her own tears rising to her eyes because the sounds were just so_ tortured_.

Without a second of thought, Rachel struggled and lifted the heavy boxes off of the lid, staggering backwards with each due to their weight. Her heart raced as she took off the last box and lifted the lid to the dumpster. Rachel's heart stopped beating.

The fragile shell of Quinn Fabray sat inside; her knees to her chest, looking smaller and more vulnerable than Rachel had ever seen anyone. Rachel couldn't believe the image before her. She finally found words and whispered,

"Quinn." Quinn looked up at her and their eyes met, as Rachel's own tears began to fall. The look Quinn gave her was haunting and Rachel felt her knees buckling as Quinn's eyes flashed with pain.

Rachel leant in and wrapped her arms around Quinn, lifting her up onto her legs with every inch of strength she had. Quinn shuddered at her touch and Rachel couldn't breathe once again when she felt the ache as she held Quinn against her.

She helped Quinn out of the dumpster slowly and onto her feet, before Quinn crumpled and fell to the ground in a heap. She curled up again, wrapping her arms around her body as if she were trying to make herself as small as possible, as if she were trying to disappear.

"Quinn!" Rachel gasped as she fell to her own knees without hesitation and wrapped her arms around the broken girl. She felt Quinn bury her head into her shoulder and her body shook with every shake of Quinn's own. Rachel closed her eyes and held back her own sobs as she whispered into Quinn's ear over and over,

"It's okay Quinn, it's going to be okay, I promise."

Neither knew how long they were there on the ground of the car park, huddled together so close, with Quinn locked tightly in Rachel's embrace. With her arms around Quinn, Rachel could almost feel the pain in Quinn's body pressing against her. In that moment, Rachel knew that she would do everything she could to prevent Quinn from ever feeling like this again.

"You're staying at my house tonight," Rachel said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Quinn didn't protest; she felt more comfort being in the brunette's arms than she'd felt in weeks, months even. Rachel stood up and then gently helped up Quinn, before wrapping her arm around the taller girl and walking slowly to Rachel's car.

Rachel pulled open the passenger door and helped Quinn into the seat, before getting into the driver's side. She gave a smile to Quinn, Rachel's hand gently resting on top of Quinn's for a moment as if to say; _I'm here for you_.

***

When Rachel's parents opened the door, they were surprised to see their daughter supporting a taller, blonde girl around her waist. The girl had clearly been crying and her eyes held a sadness that broke both their hearts.

"Hi, come on in," one of them said gently, ushering them into the comfort of the Berry household without a question.

Rachel led Quinn to the guest bedroom and gave her a pair of pajamas, toiletries and a glass of water, setting them down on the bedside table.

Quinn sat at the top of the bed, quietly breathing in, still not believing that this afternoon had even happened. It didn't even seem real. How could this be her life?

Rachel sat down at the edge of the bed and looked up at her.

"Look, I know you probably don't want to talk about it, and I respect that, but I just want you to know that I'm ready to listen, whenever, if ever you want to confide in me. I can't imagine what you are going through and I want you to know that I'm here, Quinn. I'm always going to be here." Rachel finished her monologue and began picking at the blanket at the bottom of the bed but her eyes were still trained on Quinn.

"Thank you." Quinn said, the first words to leave her mouth since Rachel had found her. Rachel nodded quickly.

"You can stay here as long as you want to; you're always welcome here," Rachel said, smiling again. She hesitantly moved forward across the bed and reached for Quinn's hand. They were both silent for a few moments before Rachel quickly removed her hand and got up off the bed.

"Well, I imagine you want to rest now, but I can wake you up later for something to eat; my Dad's made his world famous lasagna for dinner," Rachel said softly.

She took one last look at Quinn and then began walking away, stopping when she heard a quiet voice saying her name. Rachel turned back to see Quinn looking up at her with sad, scared eyes.

"Will you... could you stay here with me? Until I fall asleep?" Quinn said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Rachel nodded and slowly moved towards the bed. Quinn went under the covers, turning onto her side, and closed her eyes, her breaths shaky and restless. Without a word, Rachel slipped under the covers and moved behind Quinn.

She moved a shaking hand up to Quinn's cheek and wiped away the lone tear with the back of her hand before wrapping her arm around Quinn's waist, tight and securing. She felt Quinn settle into her, shivering slightly, and Rachel lay there until long after Quinn's breathing had slowed and deepened.

***


	3. Chapter 3

Quinn awoke later that evening to the image of Rachel standing over her and holding a large mug.

"Rachel!" Quinn half-yelled in surprise. Rachel blushed apologetically.

"Sorry Quinn, I wanted to see if you were awake yet. I brought you some coffee," she said, holding out the steaming mug to Quinn.

Quinn took the coffee eagerly and set it down on the bedside table, sitting up and rubbing her eyes.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

Rachel hesitated. "How are you feeling?" she asked quietly.

Quinn looked up into Rachel's eyes. "Better," she said earnestly. "Not brilliant, but better."

This seemed to satisfy Rachel and she sat down on the bed with a smile, carefully keeping her distance from Quinn.

"My daddy said dinner's ready right now, so we should go downstairs soon…"

Rachel trailed off and stared at the bed. Quinn could tell Rachel had something on her mind and sighed.

"What is it, Rachel?"

"What happened this afternoon? I don't understand why someone would do that to you. Who even did that to you in the first place? I just… I don't understand," Rachel said softly, her eyes flickering, deep in thought and confusion.

Quinn swallowed. She had known that this was coming. But she also knew that she wasn't ready.

"I can't tell you Rachel, I really can't."

"Why not?" Rachel asked almost inaudibly.

'_Because I wouldn't be able to take it if you left me_,' Quinn wanted to say. '_Because I'm scared of losing what little I have left, because I'm already so alone_.'

But the truth was too difficult to say. So instead, Quinn placed her hand on Rachel's and whispered,

"Please, Rachel. I can't, not yet. I need time."

Rachel nodded in understanding, her brown eyes meeting Quinn's. She got up off the bed and walked to the door.

"As long as you need," she whispered and she slipped out of the room, the door closing behind her with a soft click.

oo***oo

It was later that evening and Rachel's daddy had taken her to the shops to rent a movie. Quinn walked down the stairs to the entrance to the Berry's living room, stopping at the door and knocking it.

Rachel's dad jumped a little and turned, surprised to see Quinn standing there.

"Hi Quinn," he said, getting up off the sofa. Quinn hesitated.

"Hi, Mr. Berry. Can I talk to you?" she asked to the floor.

"Sure, Quinn. And please, call me Michael." Michael motioned to the sofa and they both took a seat.

Quinn took a deep breath and looked at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," he said with a smile.

"How did you… how did you come out to your parents?" she asked.

Michael looked taken aback for a moment before he smiled gently at her.

"I came out late in my second year of college after a year of dating Paul. I was terrified because I knew that my parents were not going to be happy about it. I sat them down in their living room and just told them."

He paused to look at Quinn, who was staring back at him, engrossed, so he continued.

"They didn't take it… well, at all. They were both angry with me and they were yelling while I tried to reason with them. The last thing I remember from the conversation is my dad telling me just how disappointed he was in me because I wasn't what he wanted as a son. My mom was crying and she couldn't even look at me,"

Michael swallowed hard, his voice shaking a little at the painful memories.

"My dad told me to leave and so I did. I haven't seen them since." Michael looked at Quinn again and saw that she was trembling slightly.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered, her hazel eyes glossed over and unreadable.

"I'm not sorry. I felt guilt, I felt anger, I felt disappointment in myself. But at the same time, I knew that it was the right thing to do. It's who I am, and they had to accept it. I didn't want to hide myself any longer or act how they wanted me to be and pretend that I wasn't in love. Coming out to them was painful, but at the same time, it was one of the most wonderful things I've ever done. I finally felt like I was living, fully. Not just half-living, or carrying a huge secret around with me. It was off my back, I was free to be with the man I loved. And that's why I'm not sorry. I realized that I shouldn't be sorry for being who I am."

"Thank you," Quinn said. She was grateful for the honesty; she could see from where Rachel got it.

Quinn stood up and nodded at Michael and was about to leave when he touched her arm lightly.

"Quinn, do you want to talk about it?"

Quinn stared back at the man before her and saw a genuine concern in his expression, a willingness to listen to her.

Quinn nodded and breathed, "Yes."

Quinn sat back down and told him, told him everything that had happened, right up to that moment that afternoon. Her voice cracked as she told Michael about what Karofsky and Miller had done, as the images flashed through her mind and didn't seem real. Quinn looked up from the floor to glance at the man next to her. His face reflected empathy and grief but also an anger at what had happened to her; he was speechless.

"And I don't know what to do about it. There isn't much I can do, anyway. I know that. But, I'm so angry that they're doing this and that they're forcing me to come out. I'm just so scared. I can't deal with losing more people, losing my parents, losing-" Quinn stopped herself before she said Rachel's name.

Michael nodded back at her in understanding.

"Quinn," he said, leaning forward to look her directly in the eyes.

"This situation is horrible and I feel so sorry that you have to go through this. These bullies are evil, pure evil. But I want you to know that you aren't alone, okay? I'm here for you, Paul is here for you and I know that Rachel is too. I know you don't feel ready, and you aren't entirely, but this is happening, right now and you need to take control. Don't let those bullies be the ones to tell. You empower the situation and you come out on your own terms, before they get the chance. You can come out how you want to and then those monsters won't have the thrill of scaring you any longer."

"I don't know if I can."

Michael gently placed his hand over Quinn's.

"You're strong, Quinn. You really are. I can see it in you; in the way you've handled all of this. And I know that you can do this. And we'll be here, we'll be with you through everything, I promise."

Quinn swallowed hard, tears filling her eyes.

"I need to tell my parents," she whispered with a shaky voice. Michael nodded.

"But I'm going to need your help; I… I really don't know how I'm going to do this."

Quinn leaned forward as the tears began to fall and Michael carefully wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm here to help. We all are."

oo***oo

Quinn sat on the floor of the Berry's guest room, rummaging through her backpack. After picking up a movie, Rachel and her dad had stopped by Quinn's house to pick up a few of her things. Quinn found what she was looking for and pulled it out from the bottom of her bag. Her journal.

She smiled as she saw it, as she always did. No matter what the entries contained, Quinn always found comfort in reading through her journal, reading little things that had been pushed to the back of her memory, recalling the days when things were simply… better.

Quinn flicked back to earlier months, where the most she had to worry about was whether she was overtly staring at Rachel in class or why she was even doing so in the first place.

_Dear Journal,_

Today something really strange happened. Like really strange. You know how I said I'd try and be nice to Rachel now? Well, it's been easier than I thought, much easier. I actually enjoy talking to her, as crazy as that sounds. I don't know if it's because I don't talk much to anyone else or if she's become less annoying but I actually kinda like her. It's really weird.

But it gets so much worse than that. She handed me back my essay in history today and our fingers touched and I felt sparks. SPARKS. What is that about? I mean seriously? It was like that feeling when you jump around on a trampoline with no socks on and then touch someone else whose been doing the same. It was like an electric shock. And I don't think she even noticed. So yeah... that was really strange and unexpected. I'm still trying to make sense of it… kind of. Part of me doesn't really want to think about it. At all.

Quinn.

Quinn chuckled at herself. It was interesting to say the least. As she traveled through days, weeks and months, she could see her progression from wondering what on earth she was feeling, to her realizing that she was enamored with a certain brunette.

_Dear Journal,_

Today was horrifying, seriously horrifying. I realized something and… wow. It's painfully obvious now that I look at it but…wow.

You see; Rachel looked really pretty today. Beautiful. And for the whole of Glee I couldn't get that thought out of my head. I'm pretty sure I was out of time with everyone else because Rachel was all I could focus on. It's okay though because Mr. Schue was busy trying to teach Finn how to dance and no one else pays much attention to me, so I was free to mess up. But, I couldn't stop looking at her. I suppose I could if I really wanted to, but I didn't want to look away.

And then the worst thing ever happened. Rachel turned to face me and smiled directly at me. We were partnered up for the next exercise. She walked up to me and then she was right there, she was so close. And then I had to look away. The thing is that the moment our eyes met, my whole body got really hot. My face felt like it was on fire and my heart went out of control; it was so embarrassing. So I looked away from her and she looked really concerned, probably because my face was bright red. I didn't know what to say or do; all I knew was that I had to get away from her and calm down. So I mumbled something about not feeling well and then ran outside for air. I stayed outside for ages until my body temperature felt normal again. I had to come back, eventually. She kept on asking me if I was okay and kept on looking at me funny but I basically ignored her the whole time because I didn't trust myself if our eyes met again. I'm pretty sure she thinks I hate her now since I kept on moving away from her and I wouldn't look at her.

So, um, I think I have a crush on a girl. On Rachel Berry. My life sucks.

Quinn.

But as Quinn went through the entries, she also noticed her loneliness increasing each month, her deepest worries spelled out in ink. And then the loneliness reared its ugly head again, taunting her. She was risking it all, the little that she had._ No. Stop thinking like that. You have to do this. You need to tell.  
_  
Quinn stood up and put her journal back into the bottom of her bag. The first person she needed to tell? Rachel Berry.

oo***oo

Quinn took a deep breath and knocked on Rachel's door. The door swung open and she was greeted by the animated smile of Rachel.

"Hi Quinn!" Rachel said warmly.

"Hi, are you busy? Because I was wondering if I could talk to you."

"No, not at all. Come on in," Rachel said, extending her arm backwards.

Quinn smiled at her and walked inside, going straight for the bed because she knew she'd need to sit down for this. Rachel sat down next to her and looked up at her expectantly.

Quinn let out a long breath, the seriousness of what she was about to do hitting her like a brick. Her heart rate began to elevate and she felt an uneasy motion in her stomach.

"Um. Okay," she mumbled.

Feeling ridiculous, Quinn tried to take control of her breathing and calm down. She felt Rachel's hand on her thigh.

"It's okay Quinn," Rachel said soothingly.

But Quinn couldn't get the words out. Quinn's hands held onto her knees tightly as she willed the words to come out of her mouth.

Quinn looked down and stood up quickly. "This was a bad idea," she muttered.

"No!" Rachel said loudly. She cleared her throat.

"Please stay. You can take your time, I don't mind," Rachel said quieter.

Quinn looked into the truthful brown eyes and felt a reassurance in them. She sat back down on the bed, her legs a little shaky. 'Quinn just spit it out. Just do it. Do it,' her brain chanted at her.

"I think I'm gay."

Quinn heard a sharp intake of breath and looked up at Rachel. Her eyes were wide but other than that, her expression was inscrutable. Quinn sat there for a few moments in the painful silence, a million words racing through her head.

She looked up again and saw that Rachel appeared to have stopped breathing. Quinn waited for a couple of seconds and was thinking about poking Rachel to check if she was still alive when Rachel finally spoke.

"You think you're gay?" Rachel asked, her voice hushed and low, incredulous even.

Quinn winced at the words. "Well, actually I know I'm gay," she admitted, staring at the brunette again for a reaction.

"Okay," Rachel breathed and then she smiled. "Thanks for telling me."

"Is that it?" Quinn asked in amazement.

It was then that she realized that she had just come out to Rachel. She actually did it. Suddenly Quinn felt light headed.

"Well no, actually. I have so many questions I want to ask you but I figured you wouldn't appreciate that," Rachel admitted.

"You can ask me, I don't mind," Quinn said, still feeling a little dazed.

She almost laughed as she saw Rachel's expression light up.

She cut in, "But not right now because I feel a little dizzy and sick."

Rachel's expression switched to one of concern. "Are you okay? Shall I get you a glass of water? Do you need a doctor? Okay, I'm calling a doctor," Rachel said getting up.

This time Quinn did laugh. "No, it's okay Rachel, I'm fine. I was really worked up over telling you and now I have; you took it so well and it's very overwhelming."

"Okay," Rachel said, clearly not convinced.

"I'm just going to lie down a while before we all watch the movie you got," Quinn said, slowly standing up and walking to the door.

"Feel better!" Rachel called as Quinn left her room.

oo***oo

A swift knock on the door pulled Quinn out a very strange dream.

In her dream, she'd been drifting through scenes with people she didn't know in them. She watched from afar as a young woman had dinner with her parents when a man walked in and leant down and kissed the woman's cheek. The parents beamed at him and they all laughed, the noise echoing through the room. And then Quinn was watching a different couple get married, large smiles fixed upon both their faces as they stated their vows. Quinn turned and saw the woman's parents in the front row, the wife crying into a handkerchief, the husband beaming at his daughter with pride. She was then dropped into a hospital waiting room where a different old couple sat with their hands tightly clasped together. A man with messy dark hair and tired but excitable eyes suddenly burst out of one of the doors, running to the old couple and exclaiming, "It's a girl! We have a baby girl!"

But before Quinn could move onto whatever scene was next, she was wide-awake from the knocking.

"Come in," Quinn mumbled into her pillow.

The door opened and Michael stood at the doorway with a smile.

"Morning Quinn! Did you sleep well?" he asked.

Quinn muttered something resembling a 'yes' into her pillow. Michael chuckled.

"Alright, well you have to get up soon so you have enough time to try my incredible pancakes. I made bacon too."

Quinn was alert at the sound of bacon and sat up, yawning.

"I'll be down soon," she said. "Is Rachel awake?"

"She's already downstairs," Michael said. "She wakes up early every day to go on the elliptical before school. She always works up a huge appetite so be down soon before all the pancakes are gone," he said with a laugh, closing the door behind him.

'Oh right. School,' Quinn thought with a groan.

She still had school to deal with. And even worse than that, Quinn still had the football team on her back too. _Great._

Quinn jumped out of bed and sighed, stretching her arms above her head. _You can deal with this Quinn. You know you can._

oo***oo

Just before Quinn was about to leave with Rachel for school, Michael pulled Quinn into the living room.

"Quinn," he said, looking at her with concern, "Are you sure you want to go in today?"

Quinn thought for a moment before she answered.

"Yes," she says, looking up at Michael confidently. "I'm not letting them scare me away, I think I'll be okay."

Michael gave her a reassuring smile. "Okay. But if you need anything, please call me or Paul."

Quinn nodded at him, feeling more supported than she had in a long time.

oo***oo

The moment Rachel and Quinn got to school, Rachel threaded her arm through Quinn's elbow. Quinn looked at her in confusion.

"I'm not leaving you alone," Rachel asserted.

Quinn felt her heart flutter a little at the concern but laughed. "Well, that's sort of difficult considering a lot of our classes aren't the same."

"That is true, however, I figured that the times you are most likely to be in danger is between-classes and after school and so I shall wait for you after each of your classes and walk you to your next one," Rachel said breathlessly.

Quinn smiled at Rachel, "That's very nice of you but you don't have to do that."

"Nonsense, Quinn, I cannot afford to take any chances. Whoever is bullying you is clearly incredibly malevolent and there is no predicting what they might do next. I will be on full guard, of course."

Quinn tried to protest but then Rachel was talking again, her eyebrows furrowed and her grip on Quinn tight.

"I already took the liberty of photocopying and memorizing your timetable and so I know that your first lesson is English. Do you need to go to your locker first or shall we proceed?" Rachel asked, shooting a glance at Quinn.

"Can we go to my locker first?" Quinn sighed, acquiescing. Rachel nodded and they headed off in the direction of Quinn's locker.

Rachel kept to her words the whole day, walking Quinn to each of her lessons and then collecting her at the end of them. While Quinn felt comfort in Rachel being there for her, she couldn't help but worry for the brunette; if Karofsky was to do something to her, who's to say he wouldn't hurt Rachel too? Quinn was constantly vigilant, looking over her shoulder to make sure the football team weren't close behind.

oo***oo

Quinn was lying on Rachel's bed, a book tucked under her chin with her feet tapping to the Wicked soundtrack currently playing. She glanced over at Rachel, who was hunched over her desk, clearly concentrating very hard on the pieces of paper before her.

"Rach?"

"Mmm?"

"What are you doing?"

Rachel spun around in her chair to face Quinn and held a map up in front of her.

"I'm planning the safest routes for us to walk tomorrow. I'm currently trying to figure out which areas to avoid in school as I do not know who is tormenting you but-"

"It's the football team," Quinn stated quietly.

"The football team?" Rachel said in disbelief.

"Well Karofsky and his friend Miller specifically. I don't know if the whole team is involved, but they definitely are."

Quinn answered Rachel's unspoken question.

"They found out about... about me being... gay," the last word came out hushed, as if too controversial to say out-loud.

"How did they find out?"

Quinn blushed. "I left my journal behind after class one day and they read it."

"Oh."

"And since then they've been pressuring me to come out. They keep on calling me and sending me emails but I ignored them because I didn't know what to do. And then that day, when I was taking a breather before Glee, Karofsky and Miller cornered me and...You know," Quinn trailed off, bowing her head.

"They did this to you because you're gay?" Rachel gasped.

"Yeah. I think they were angry that I wasn't coming out, it was another way of pressuring me I guess." Quinn heard Rachel take a huge intake of air.

"Those imbeciles, those Neanderthals, those bullies! Those disgusting horrible little boys!" Rachel said, swiftly getting up to storm around the room, her voice considerably higher than normal.

"Rachel-"

"Those _monsters_. I am going to have the ACLU on this so fast-"

"No, Rachel!"

Rachel stopped stomping to look at Quinn.

"I don't want to tell okay?"

"We have to, this is simply atrocious; they cannot get away with this."

Quinn stood up, grabbed Rachel's arm and pulled her to the bed.

"Rachel, please listen to me. I don't want anyone else finding out yet. Please."

Rachel sat there, breathing deeply and nodded. "I'm sorry, I'm incredibly outraged right now. I can't believe this."

"It's very hard to take in," Quinn admitted. Rachel leaned closer to Quinn and rested her head on the blonde's shoulder.

"I'm sorry you have to go through this," Rachel whispered.

They sat there for a while, deep in thought before Quinn spoke again.

"How about we talk about something else?" She paused for a moment to think. "You can ask me some of the millions of questions you had for me," Quinn said with a smile.

Rachel looked back at her with a grin. She leaned over to her desk and picked up a notepad, flicking through it quickly until she reached the page she wanted.

"You wrote down the questions?"

"Of course," Rachel stated. Quinn grinned again.

"How did you realize you were gay?" Rachel asked, staring at Quinn.

"Well," Quinn said, feeling a little uncomfortable. "I got a crush on a girl, that's how I realized I guess."

"Who?"

"You don't know her," Quinn said quickly

"Oh," Rachel said with disappointment. She shifted towards Quinn eagerly as she asked the next question.

"But how do you know you're not bisexual? How do you know you're gay?"

Quinn took a deep breath; she'd thought a lot about this.

"My attraction to girls feels different to what I feel for guys. I like, I can appreciate if a guy is good looking or something, but I don't feel anything. Nothing at all. When I used to kiss Finn it didn't feel like much at all and I thought that was supposed to happen. But other girls would talk about these weird feelings in your stomach, like you were nauseous almost, and sparks when you kissed and touched someone and I never had that with a guy. I got that for girls but I interpreted it as jealousy or hatred because I didn't know how to deal with it. Part of me knew for a while I think, but I always ignored the feelings. But when I stopped denying my feelings, I realized that I did have them, but not for the people I expected to have them for."

Rachel studied Quinn with interest before proceeding to her next question. "So what is it that you find attractive in girls?"

Quinn squirmed a little and raised an eyebrow to Rachel. "Really?"

Rachel shrugged. "I'm very curious about this."

"Um… I don't know, everything?" Quinn felt a blush rising on her cheeks. "Like the same stuff I guess you'd like on a guy: their eyes, their smile, their legs…" Quinn trailed off as she felt her face burning.

Rachel smiled at Quinn, clearly oblivious to how embarrassed the blonde was getting.

"So, do you have a particular type of girl who you are most attracted to?"

"Okay, I think that's enough questions for now," Quinn said quickly, standing up.

Rachel looked disappointed but got up and walked over to her desk to pick up a leaflet.

"I got this for you," she said, handing it to Quinn.

Quinn looked at the leaflet and read out "Kaleidoscope Youth Centre."

"I was thinking we could go there this weekend," Rachel said enthusiastically over Quinn's shoulder.

"My dads volunteer there often and I thought we could all go together."

Rachel leaned back to her desk again and handed Quinn another leaflet.

"And there is of course Columbus Pride but that isn't for months yet unfortunately," she said with a sigh.

"Pride? I don't think I'm ready for that yet."

"Why not?"

"I'm not exactly bursting with pride right now, Rachel. I've accepted who I am but that doesn't mean I like it," Quinn said in a low voice.

Rachel walked over to her and wrapped an arm around Quinn's waist.

"Quinn," she said gently, "There's nothing to be ashamed of. Being gay is something to be proud of. We can go to the centre on Saturday so you can see that; you should celebrate your sexuality Quinn!"

Quinn laughed at Rachel's enthusiasm and rested her head against the brunette.

"Okay, we'll go. Thanks Rachel."

Rachel turned to look at her. "For what?"

"For helping me," Quinn stated.

"That's what friends are for."

oo***oo

_Thanks for reading! I love hearing your thoughts and comments :D_


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